Odd. I search for some fitting words to describe this vacuum-like feeling within me. And this beautiful song found me.
Guess, I will never get over this poignant song.
It’s as if it was written for me. It tells about what my crutch hides. What I’d been wearing for so long.
It revealed the lies that I have been so scared to admit to even myself. It made me confront all the fears that I allowed to walled up high around me, separating me from others.
For many years, I stood on my own but now, I can no longer see that determined girl whenever I face the mirror. The fire in her eyes has vanished. And too bad, I can no longer go back to her.
Yet, for such a long time, I have tried to convince myself that all is fine. That love and motherhood will finally define healing and happiness. It is just enough.
Well, it isn’t.
SHE USED TO BE MINE
It’s not simple to say
That most days I don’t recognize me
That these shoes and this apron, that place and its patrons
Have taken more than I gave them
It’s not easy to know
I’m not anything like I used be, although it’s true
I was never attention’s sweet center
I still remember that girl
She’s imperfect, but she tries
She is good, but she lies
She is hard on herself
She is broken and won’t ask for help
She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine
It’s not what I asked for
Sometimes life just slips in through a back door
And carves out a person and makes you believe it’s all true
And now I’ve got you
And you’re not what I asked for
If I’m honest, I know I would give it all back
For a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two
For the girl that I knew
Who’ll be reckless, just enough
Who’ll get hurt, but who learns how to toughen up
When she’s bruised and gets used by a man who can’t love
And then she’ll get stuck
And be scared of the life that’s inside her
Growing stronger each day ’til it finally reminds her
To fight just a little, to bring back the fire in her eyes
That’s been gone, but used to be mine
Used to be mine
She is messy, but she’s kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone, but she used to be mine
© Music and Lyrics by Sara Bareilles
In response to the Daily Post – Daily Prompt Forlorn
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